I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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