I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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