ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
