I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize