I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
