I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
