new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize