Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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