Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
