What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
