i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
