Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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