He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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