So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
