im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
