since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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