we have officially lost it.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
