Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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