So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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