Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
