he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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