remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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