4 words: hood of his car
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
