I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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