Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
