i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
