If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ttyl tear gas
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At least life still wants to fuck me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
