so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
