I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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