from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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