peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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