I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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