Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
