he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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