I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
