you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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