Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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