oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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