Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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