JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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