I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think i have two assholes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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