its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
