May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Girls should come with a carfax report
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
