Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
