Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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