i just made my gag reflex go away.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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