Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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