Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
