So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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