We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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