that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
