I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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