Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think a kid would responsible me up
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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