We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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