That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
