I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize