You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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