your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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