That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
