hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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