i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
