im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
