Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize