ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
