I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
