every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
