Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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