i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
