So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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