East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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