We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
