I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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