she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this will be a night to untag.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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