You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
