talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize