you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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