it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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