cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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