the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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