My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
