Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
