I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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