Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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