Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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