I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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