He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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