walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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