He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He felt like a one man threesome
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
