i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
