Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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