We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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