when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize