I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
