apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
