Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
