I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize