haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
