I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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