I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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