So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
