the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
