idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
